i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
