I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize