it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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