i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We are two peas in an std pod
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
