Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
