I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
