No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
