dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
