Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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