I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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