im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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