the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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