so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
