Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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