Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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