Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
