So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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