is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
