I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
