I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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