Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no, he came in my armpit
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize