you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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