He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
