My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
