and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Come see our sink grown plant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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