I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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