And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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