i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
