never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My life is pants optional.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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