Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
