well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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