Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
