Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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