Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
