Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
