Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
barbara walters just said penis...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
