I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize