There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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