4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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