pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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