I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
