so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
