Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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