god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
