A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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