turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
