at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
