dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
