I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
