I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
