DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
