Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
