She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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