I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize