need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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