Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't deserve a penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
