whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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