New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
