I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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