And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
