mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
