I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
