We're like a lot better than the average bears
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
