pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My bed smells like the plague
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
