just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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