I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
