Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
