before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found puke in my bra..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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