Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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