he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
