when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
