Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
