I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
