I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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