At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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