Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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