Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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