i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
