Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
