I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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