you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize