her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
