I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
