I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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