your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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