I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
