I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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