um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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