i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
