so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
