I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
