My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
