I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
