i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
