the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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