Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
